The Pleasure of Being a Good Host

Invite with a clear purpose

Before sending invitations, decide what kind of occasion you are offering. A supper for six friends is not the same undertaking as an open house. Tell people the date, time, place and anything useful they should know about dress or arrangements. If a reply is needed for planning, say so plainly.

Think about who may enjoy meeting. A mixed group can be lively, but do not rely on everyone knowing how to introduce themselves. Make the occasion large enough to be enjoyable and small enough that you can look after it properly.

Prepare the ordinary comforts first

Make sure guests can find the entrance, hang coats and use a clean bathroom. Provide somewhere comfortable to sit, adequate lighting and a place to set down a glass. Check the temperature of the room and consider whether music will make conversation difficult. The small comforts are more important than elaborate decorations.

Ask discreetly about dietary needs or accessibility requirements when they affect the gathering. The object is not to turn the invitation into a questionnaire, but to avoid an unnecessary difficulty that a little consideration could have prevented.

Serve something you can manage

Choose food that you know how to prepare and can serve without abandoning your guests for long periods. A simple, well-cooked meal is preferable to an ambitious menu that keeps you tense and occupied. Prepare what you can beforehand, set the table early and know when each dish needs attention.

Keep suitable non-alcoholic drinks available and never press a guest to explain his choice. If something goes wrong in the kitchen, offer an uncomplicated alternative. The host who laughs gently at a mishap and carries on is easier company than the one who demands sympathy for his ruined plans.

Introduce people so they can begin well

Do not assume that an unfamiliar guest will find his way into a conversation. Give names clearly and offer a point of common interest when it is genuine. “You both spent time working abroad,” may be all that is needed to begin. Avoid making introductions that sound like a recitation of people’s salaries, titles or social importance.

Keep an eye on someone standing apart, but do not force him into the centre of attention. A little conversation with the host may be enough to help him feel included.

Give the evening a natural rhythm

Welcome arrivals without leaving early guests stranded, and do not delay a meal indefinitely for somebody who has not warned you of lateness. Announce dinner clearly, guide people to their seats when necessary and keep an eye on whether everyone has what he needs. Once the evening is moving, stop trying to direct every minute of it.

Conversation should have room to wander. Some guests will stay together. Others may move around. Unless you are hosting a formal programme, there is no need for a constant series of announcements.

Finish with the same courtesy you began

When guests begin leaving, thank them personally and help them find belongings, transport details or directions when useful. Do not make someone feel guilty for an early departure. A gracious goodbye is part of the hospitality, not an afterthought.

The next day, send a short word to someone who went out of his way to help, brought a thoughtful gift or travelled some distance. Then put the house in order and remember which arrangements worked. Hosting becomes easier with experience when you approach it as a pleasure rather than an examination.

One final courtesy is easily overlooked. Be discreet about what was said in your home. A guest who spoke candidly over dinner should not discover his remarks repeated elsewhere for entertainment. The best hosts earn the trust of their friends as well as their gratitude.