A man may be impeccably mannered in company and careless when he thinks no one can see him. He may speak beautifully about honour, then take the convenient shortcut as soon as it becomes possible. Private conduct tells the fuller story. Integrity is the agreement between the standards you profess and the decisions you make when applause, reward and embarrassment are removed from the equation.
Return what is not yours
The test may be no larger than a wrong amount of change, a parcel delivered to the wrong address or a forgotten wallet on a train. You could keep the advantage and expect no one to find out. The decent course is to put matters right, even when doing so takes a little trouble. Returning an item to its owner is not an act of generosity. It is recognising that ownership does not change simply because another person has lost sight of the thing.
The same rule applies to borrowed possessions. Return the tool cleaned, the car with the fuel you agreed upon, the book without damage. If you break something, say so and offer to replace it. Being considerate when the owner is not watching is exactly what gives consideration its worth.
Do not take credit for another man’s work
In a meeting, the idea may be praised after several people have contributed to it. A sentence like “That approach came from Michael, and I helped with the final version” costs very little and earns the right kind of respect. Remaining silent while someone mistakes another person’s labour for yours may feel harmless. Over time, it becomes a habit of taking what has not been offered.
Give credit generously and accurately. It does not diminish your contribution. A leader who shares recognition is usually better served by colleagues willing to bring their best work forward. The man who hoards the praise will eventually discover that capable people are reluctant to work with him.
Keep the same standard with those who cannot reward you
Manners become easy when speaking to someone whose approval we want. The more revealing encounter is with a cleaner at the end of a long day, a junior employee making an understandable mistake, or an elderly neighbour who has no influence over your affairs. Address them properly. Be patient when you can. Do not use another person’s position as an excuse to exercise power over him.
Traditional courtesy was never meant to be restricted to formal occasions. The grandmother who insisted that her grandson thank the person serving his lunch understood something that fancy clubs sometimes forget. Character should not change when the company does.
Do the job properly even when the corners are invisible
There are times when you are responsible for work that nobody else knows how to check. A repair behind a wall, a set of accounts, a promise to a client, a task for a volunteer organisation. The temptation to do just enough to escape notice may be strong. The better standard is to complete the work you agreed to undertake, whether or not anyone is likely to discover a shortcut.
This does not mean claiming perfection or wasting effort on needless ceremony. It means refusing to conceal an important defect and refusing to hand another person a problem you have knowingly left behind. Pride in one’s work is most valuable when it survives the absence of an audience.
Treat private conversation as private
A man who speaks kindly to a friend and mocks him when he leaves has not shown two different social skills. He has shown a divided character. There are legitimate reasons to discuss someone’s conduct with another person, especially when advice or protection is needed. But entertainment at the expense of an absent friend is a different matter.
Ask yourself whether you would say the same thing if the person were sitting at the table. If the answer is no, consider whether the remark is necessary at all. Good conversation does not depend upon furnishing the room with someone else’s weaknesses.
Admit the uncomfortable truth
We all prefer to be thought reliable. That preference can tempt us to conceal a mistake, soften a fact or wait for another person to take the blame. Integrity sometimes requires the unpleasant admission, “I made the error.” The earlier it is said, the easier it is for everyone affected to find a remedy.
A confession is not a performance. State what happened, explain what can be done and follow through. You will not always be praised for doing so. Nor should praise be your reason. A man who can face an uncomfortable truth in private is better equipped to stand by his principles when the pressure is public.
Be the same man when the room is empty.
Return what belongs to others, give honest credit, keep confidences and finish what you undertake. The unseen decisions accumulate. In time, they become the character for which you are known.