A man who arrives when he says he will is doing something small and rather important. He is recognising that other people have lives of their own, plans of their own and better things to do than wait for him. Our grandparents did not require a fashionable theory to understand this. They called it being punctual, and they regarded it as an ordinary part of good manners. The principle holds whether you are meeting a client, taking a friend to lunch or arriving at your sister’s house for Sunday dinner.
An appointment is an agreement
When two people arrange to meet at six, they have each set aside part of the day. The man who treats six as the time to begin finding his keys has quietly altered that agreement for his own convenience. He may consider ten minutes insignificant. The person waiting may have cancelled another obligation, paid for parking or arranged care at home.
Punctuality is not merely a habit for offices and appointments with important people. The same standard should apply to the barber, the person delivering a parcel and the old friend waiting outside the station. Manners that appear only in the company of someone influential are not especially good manners.
Plan for the journey you actually have
Most lateness is blamed on familiar obstacles, such as traffic, trains, lost keys and difficulty parking. Some delays cannot be predicted. Many can. If the journey commonly takes thirty minutes, setting out thirty minutes before the appointment is not a plan. It is a wager. Allow time to get out of the house, find the address, park if necessary and walk to the entrance.
Preparing the night before is not an elaborate system. Put the documents in your bag, check the route and lay out what you intend to wear. A few minutes of preparation spare you a frantic departure and the people around you an unnecessary disturbance.
Understand what on time means for the occasion
Different situations have different customs. For a business appointment or an interview, arrive a little ahead of the agreed hour. For a formal performance, be seated before it begins. A dinner invitation may specify the time guests are expected, and arriving substantially early can be inconvenient to a host still making preparations.
When staying in another man’s home, be especially mindful of meals, departure arrangements and commitments he has made on your behalf. The purpose is not to demonstrate an obsession with the clock. It is to understand the occasion and make it run smoothly for everybody concerned.
When you are delayed, make contact early
Even a careful man will occasionally be late. A road closes, a train is cancelled or a family emergency changes the day. The proper response is to warn the person concerned as soon as the delay becomes apparent. Give an honest estimate, not the encouraging but impossible claim that you are “five minutes away” when you have scarcely left home.
If another person needs to proceed without you, give him that freedom. “The train has stopped outside the station. I expect to be twenty minutes late. Please begin without me” is useful information. On arrival, apologise once and avoid making everyone listen to the entire story of your journey.
Do not punish the punctual for arriving on time
It is poor form to keep the first arrivals waiting indefinitely for people who have not bothered to make contact. A host can exercise reasonable judgement, but the dependable guests should not always bear the cost of the careless ones. If a meal is arranged for seven-thirty, there is no need to leave it spoiling because a regular latecomer has not appeared.
A man should also resist the temptation to tease someone for being precise about time. Reliability is a quality worth encouraging. The friend who is ready when he says he will be is making the rest of the day easier.
Practise punctuality without becoming rigid
Punctuality is part of consideration, not a licence to scold. If an elderly relative is slow getting ready, help rather than stand in the hallway announcing the minutes. If your companion is dealing with an unexpected difficulty, patience may be more gentlemanly than a lecture.
The object is to keep your own promises, not to police everybody else’s watch. A reliable man can be both prompt and gracious. The two qualities belong together, because manners are judged by what they do for other people.
Be there when you said you would.
Allow enough time, communicate when plans change and treat an ordinary appointment as a promise. A punctual man gives other people the valuable assurance that his word can be relied upon.